R.S.V.P is short for the French phrase “Respondez s’il vous plait” which means “Respond if you please”. 

If “RSVP” is written at the end of an invitation, you are expected to respond saying whether or not you be attending because the host will be awaiting your response. Etiquette experts agree that replying to an RSVP within 48 hours is ideal as this shows you have given it your immediate attention. Don't delay if you have any questions - ask the host as soon as you can! 

If there's a date to say when you need to respond by, make sure you do! The host will need to know the number of attendees so they can start arranging the event.

Origins of RSVP / Respondez s’il vous plait

“Respondez s’il vous plait” is a phrase we borrowed from one of the many popular etiquette practices originating from France during the late 17th and early 18th Centuries (around the time of King Louis XIV court). Despite “RSVP” still being popular these days, “Respondez s’il vous plait” is considered unfashionable and too formal in its place of origin - France! Some French people have never even heard of the acronym RSVP!

What does “Regrets Only” on an invite mean?

Instead of RSVP, some people use the phrase “Regrets Only” on the invite and this means you will be expected to be there unless you respond to say that you cannot make it. For a “regrets only” invite, you only need to respond if you are not attending so it’s a sort of “opt out” invitation. If you fail to do this, the host will assume you are going to turn up!

The importance of an RSVP

It’s only when you go through the hard work of arranging your own event and pull out all the stops that you really appreciate how much hard work goes into planning and hosting an event. 

Hosts want to have fun arranging the event and there’s lots they need to do: write the invitations, book the venue and then sort out the caterers, seating, decorations, entertainment and party favours. It’s difficult to do if they need to second guess who will or will not turn up. Should they over or under cater? What size hall should they book? When guests fail to RSVP, there’s potential for the host to waste a lot of food and money if guests don’t turn up. Or worse - they may not have enough food, drinks or seating for everyone if more guests than expected turn up! 

It’s especially important to RSVP when there’s a price per head or limited spaces as these spaces are expensive and they’ve had to narrow down the guest list to an honoured and select few. 

Ways to respond to an RSVP

When you receive an invitation, you should respond in like whether it’s a phone call, a hand written invitation, an emailed invite, an online invitation or a card to fill in and return. It‘s easier for the host to set up a system if they receive all of the responses in the same way.

How to accept or politely decline an invitation 

Always respond to an RSVP. The host has thought of you and has taken the time to send you the invite after all! If you do not respond to RSVP’s, hosts may be disappointed (and be out of pocket) if you do not turn up. You may then find that you start getting less invitations in the future! 

Upon receiving an invitation, check you are free on the event date and return the RSVP as soon as you can (within 48 hours if possible) to confirm whether or not you are attending. Here are some simple general responses:

• If you would like to attend: “Thank you for inviting me to your [name of event]. I would be delighted to attend and look forward to seeing you there.” (Make sure you mark the date it in your diary and set up a reminder in your calendar. Hosts sometimes send a little reminder about the event but you shouldn’t rely on this).
• If you cannot (or do not want) to attend: “Thank you inviting me to your [name of event]. I appreciate the invitation but regretfully, I will not be able to make it on this occasion due to [short reason for not attending]. I hope you all have a wonderful time.” (Don’t be afraid to tell the host if you cannot make it. They would rather know sooner rather than later. You can also arrange to meet up with them another time instead or you could even consider sending them a gift if it is a special occasion and you cannot be there to give it to them in person).

Cancelling or changing your RSVP

• Cancelling after you have accepted the invite: Once you have confirmed your attendance, it is considered bad etiquette to cancel the RSVP unless there is an unavoidable emergency, death or illness as the host will incur costs and they have reserved a space for you.  If you really cannot make the event after confirming your attendance, let the host know as soon as possible and send your apologies so they have the option to invite someone else or cancel your place.
• You initially declined but now you can make it: If you initially decline an invitation and are able to go after all, contact the host to see if there is still a space for you. Be understanding if the space has gone - they may have invited someone else or you may have missed the time limit for them to arrange catering for you. You should never just turn up to an event after you have said you are not attending unless you check with the host first! If there are no spaces left and you really want to go, ask them to let you know if there are any future cancellations.

A hosts RSVP woes

It was only after I arranged my son’s birthday party that I understood the importance of responding to an RSVP. I invited the whole class and a few family members - 40 children in all! I remember continually chasing RSVP’s past the "respond by date" and right up until the day before the party - so many who had not responded! It was on a world a cup day (rookie error) and I could not help but think - what is no one turns up?

Ultimately, I decided to cater for all invited guests and make up enough party favours (and spares) just in case. It’s a good thing I did, as around 50 people turned up including most of the people who had not RSVP’d (in some cases BOTH parents of the children turned up which made it very busy.) Others had RSVP’d and didn't show up and some children even brought an uninvited sibling along with them! Thankfully, I have learned a thing or two since then.  

I know I'm not alone in my quest to chase RSVP’s for each party I arrange. A quick google search shows many fellow party hosts chasing up RSVP stragglers. Some wedding planners routinely tell the Bride and Groom to expect a few no shows. There was one poor child who was upset because none of the guests who had RSVP'd turned up and even a case where a couple exploited an invite by bringing along eight family members! 

Further etiquette advice

For some further etiquette reading, Tatler has a witty article explaining the modern rules of RSVP etiquette and a leading American expert, Dianne Gottsman provides advice about etiquette and manners - including following rules of common courtesy.